census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize