On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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