I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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