she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize