Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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