If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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