He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize