At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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