If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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