This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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