tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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