: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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