Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize