i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
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Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
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He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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