just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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