Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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