I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
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I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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