I'm jealous of your bromance
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
