I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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