Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize