my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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