im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize