Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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