just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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