Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it's like heaven, but drunker
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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