She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
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ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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