At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
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Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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