you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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