Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize