i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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