I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
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he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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