my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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