now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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