Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
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well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
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World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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