Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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