it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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