I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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