i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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