Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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