Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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