ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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