it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize