Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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