hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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