he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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