I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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