At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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