youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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