I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All I want is dick and wine.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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