why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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