Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
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THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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